YOU FEEL ME?

I really get pissed by people who like texting in shorthand. Not the good shorthand (because I sometimes use it). The kind that irks me is when someone uses the exact number of letters but still ends up misspelling the word. However, what gulls the most is the ‘transposition’ or is it ‘substitution’ shorthand. There’s this YOLO generation, a revised version of the digital XXI generation that replaces all instances of s with x! I cringe every time I see ‘xaxa’ or ‘xema’. I feel as if my brain cells are committing suicide. My point? Cheap shorthand is gloriously repulsive. These are the kind of people whose contact details change instantly to “0720…”  Weird thing is they still text me. I hit them with cute replies like “who is this?” and “how did you get my number?”

My sleeping schedule is messed up big time thanks to the Christmas break. If you were keen, you should have realized the advertisements running on TV in late December. East African Breweries Limited warning customers about the effects of drinking and driving. A few drinks too many lead to things getting out of hand. And consequently (if circumstances allow) someone’s conception. That is where Femiplan comes in. Did you notice that even the controversial mpango wa kando ad was back!                               

Fast forward to January 3^rd and the kind of ads running were just depressing. Securing bank loans to pay school fees, back to school shopping (Bata and Naivas are bad at these…). Paybill numbers for utility bills like water and electricity. I know there are people who find themselves in very awkward and precarious positions because they blew up all their savings in a week. After throwing lavish parties and everything, they end up so indebted it takes them a couple of months to recover. 

 I remember the bad feeling when I was in high school (read form one and two).  Once back to school ads started airing, I would remember about all the holiday assignments and the thought of school would spoil the remaining week. I have never understood why nature conspires to make life hard in January. What with the sweltering heat? I like to look at that month like it consists of 31 Mondays!

Now that is it January, I have this ritual of cleaning up my social media. From Facebook ‘unfriending’ all those accounts that are dormant or those I feel shouldn’t be on my list. Then on twitter ‘unfollowing’ all the handles that are irrelevant or those that have outlived their usefulness.

Life has a way of balancing the equations. The degree of hustle is sometimes directly proportional to the good times that you indulge in. If you consume cheap drinks, you’ll get a cheap hangover but if you take expensive drinks, you will experience ‘business class’ hangover –holding all other factors constant. Talking about drinks, if you find a girl who doesn’t drink (this is for men), smoke, party every weekend, wife her! Those are true ladies.

Allow me to give you my philosophy: if you like a girl let her go. If she comes back, it means nobody likes her, let her go again. Fair enough.

I’m still wondering why they haven’t put up pretty, glamorous, breathtaking, fetching, appealing and delightful ladies on OLX.

Can I end my essay with “you feel me?”

©2014