WEEKLY DOSAGE

When I was away, I took time to register as a voter for the forthcoming general elections. In case you have the slightest shade of doubt, my elector’s number is 011277121125141-9. I couldn’t help but notice the wanting quality of those cards the IEBC team is giving. The card I owned before was more durable, more or less like the quality of an Identity Card. I have only used it once, during the referendum and I believe my vote counted because we passed the new constitution.  I’m waiting for the day the whole country will embrace information technology so that we don’t have to queue to vote. I have a dream that one day the click of a mouse button is all that will be required to cast a vote. Why can’t we vote via email? Talking about emails, why was I asked for my email address by the clerk when registering? I also don’t get why they asked for my phone number since I have been receiving text messages urging me to register as a voter way after I registered. Aren’t they supposed to tell Safaricom to customize my text like “Whart up Lucs, howz u holding up… Thanx for registering with IEBC. Your current M-Pesa balance will be credited shortly. Know wat, tell others peeps to follow suit!” If you are reading this blog and have not yet registered to vote, shame on you. Yes I know you think your vote doesn’t count but remember it is your civic duty to contribute.
I have been spending a considerable amount of my time on TV. Watching too much of it! Suits. How I Met Your Mother. Revenge. Nikita. Some documentaries…and the list goes on and on. When I’m I going to read? I know exactly when. The night before exam. That is one of my most guarded little secrets! Unless karma comes biting and the official ‘mpango wa candle’ sponsors, also known as KPLC decide to switch off the lights.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE
Girls, when you grow up, does anyone want to be Caroline Mutoko? Not the job description part which is extremely inviting, I mean who minds laughing all the way to the bank to cash in some six figures. I’m talking about the Caroline Mutoko who rattled the internet community the other day. It still beats me how ‘idling’ we can all get. A hate Facebook page getting over 10,000 likes less in less than 48 hours?? Legendary! She did diss us no doubt. And when I say ‘us’ I mean the youth. I’m thinking somebody should create a Wikipedia page for her. The popularity, actually the fame she has amassed is incredible. Just so we are clear, I’m not for or against her. The tongue, if not put to check can jeopardize reputations, top-notch jobs, egos and so many other good things. They all come tumbling down. Remember our deputy chief justice? The tongue my friends.

FOOTBALL ANALYSIS
I am so bitter because it’s now common knowledge that my team has continued to disappoint me in every single game. We are still languishing in the 7th place on the league table. What worries me most is the series of losses we have embarked on in the recent past. On Tuesday night, we were beaten on penalties by league 2 side Bradford at Valley Parade. I know majority of you are wondering what team that is. It is in league 2. Mind you they beat us so bad. I believe the lack of spending has now gone too far. The team is decreasing in quality every year since 2009. I do not know what strategy the C.E.O Mr. Ivan Gazidis has in mind. The club needs a lil bit of investment, and when I say investment I mean players. The sponsorship deal with Emirates Airline is not doing us any better.

GOOGLE ‘How to’
Apparently, google.co.ke has just released a report analyzing the most persistent searches by Kenyan’s. The query that garnered the highest traffic and is obviously the trending one is: “How to abort”. The report says that the number one trending search is the “how to” category. If you want to experience how distracting google can get, just search “how to” and read the suggestions that pop up. Out of the top four results, am as sure as it will get dark tonight that 3 will be about things like … oh my!! That is your homework.




Till next week, I'm out!

THE ANALYST

                                                                THE PACKAGE

So people were like: "Are you for real? You blogging now?? About what exactly?? "

The answer is: "Yes I am. About everything and anything I feel like."

Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to appoint myself as a sports analyst. Arsenal is the first team I fell in love with, and believe you me, I'm for keeps. We are soo married, for better for worse. Even when small teams like Swansea thrash 'us' in the last 2 minutes to full-time. I know Arsene Wenger and his technical bench deserve a piece of my mind. I'm also aware that the team lacks zeal and precision nowadays but that's a story for another day. Chelsea, the mighty-yet-small defending champions are out in the group stages!!! Feels nice to lose. How can I forget last night. Manchester United were humiliated or is it humbled in their own backyard. It's karma biatch!!

Secondly, I appoint myself the daring task of an investigative journalist ,a combination of Mohammed Ali of the the intriguing series 'Jicho Pevu' and John Allan Namu of NTV and better still Ross Kemp of Sky1.

Thirdly, I appoint myself as a relationship advice and/or marriage counselor. I however do not intend to take the job of Getrude Mungai at K24. That lady who derives the function f(x) of couples explicitly using first principles. She's better at it because of experience. I'm tempted to say: "been there done that...", but we all know(at least those who know me personally are aware of my marital status!)

Thirdly, I want the job of Mutahi Ngunyi at  the Consulting House. Self appointed political analyst with a Bachelor's in Political Science, with a bias in regional politics. I want to state categorically on this December day of 2012 that I'm totally against tribal politics. Political marriages taking place right now is not only sickening but outright immoral! I'm astonished by the depth of the lyrical sycophancy in Kenya. Just the other day Uhuru and Ruto vowed 'I do' and minutes later Mudavadi joined the bandwagon. No sooner had they sealed the deal than Raila and Kalonzo met behind closed doors and married. Kalonzo has been undecided for the longest time. Confused like a chiq who is too ugly to play hard to get. While signing the deal, the legislator from Ukambani had the gut to say:"Kenya imezaliwa upya leo". like, WTH!!Kwani Kenya itazaliwa mara ngapi? Na the same mother??Dude!! Old political goats know how to bleat for the gallery. That is a manifestation of super greed, manipulation and abuse of our combined intellect. Why do they realign at the last minute? I know why. They all have been in all the previous governments that ruled us! Same monkeys, only different tress(political parties). They never stood for anything in the first place so they fall for anything as well. Politics without principle is what Mahatma Gandhi warned us against. At least Raphael Tuju and Peter Kenneth stand for almost the same issues. That's the only group that is devoid of ethnicity and grand corruption. I’m not a seer. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I know Kenyans will elect wrong leaders and complain thereafter till the next general elections.

Last but not least, I appoint myself as a leading weather forecaster. Today we'll experience sunshine at noon and it's gonna be 'darkish' at around 6.30pm and very dark thereafter. Especially past 10p.m.



Over and out!!

Basics

 LA VIDA LOCA
 
Every young person thinks highly of institutions of higher learning. It's the ultimate destination as far as education is concerned. Well, not every day is as rosy or as tough as another. Every single waking morning is unique in its characteristics as well as challenges.

Problem comes in when yesterday's challenges hang on till the end of the week. A good example will be life in the programming world which is both exciting and frustrating in equal measure.

This is just an introduction to a series of thoughts, opinions and perspectives. Keep it locked!
It's Lucas