END OF THE BEGINNING OF A YEAR THAT WAS

My dear and abiding friends, the world is no more.I arrogate myself the role of a myth buster. Whoever predicted the end of the world must know by now that tequila based cocktails are not a good idea after all. Well, I guess this is the alternative universe, different from what it was yesterday.  Technically we are still on the same awesome and sometimes not-so-awesome planet we were in yesterday but it is the close of business. Almost every person is taking time to cool off.

OVERWHELMING GRIEF

We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Last Friday morning, in a small peaceful town of Newtown, Connecticut, a heinous crime claimed 27 lives, majority of them being elementary school children. Imagine a shooter spraying bullets to 20 innocent children! Those children had not done anything to deserve such cruelty. They had their entire lives ahead of them. Birthdays, graduations, weddings… My heart is broken for all the families affected. This reminds me of the tragedies America has had to deal with in the past few years. Remember the shopping mall incident in Oregon, the temple incident in Wisconsin, the movie theatre and the numerous incidents in street corners in Chicago. May God bless the memory of the victims.

This story more or less has the same characteristics with the Kenyan version, only that it is of a higher scale. The numerous grenade explosions in Eastleigh have become the norm. Almost every Sunday evening, the “BREAKING NEWS” section has been dedicated to that specific kind of news. Is it that the country lacks a competent intelligence base or there’s a general laxity in the body responsible for alerting the security apparatus of any queer activity being organized secretly within the borders? I’m of the opinion that we need a general overhaul in the entirety of the police force. We need skilled undercover agents. We need computerized distributed systems. We need to analyze, evaluate and synthesize the whole system .Being caught off-guard time and again is such ridicule! Now that we almost have a new inspector of police, I think he should introduce a programme that will allow field agents to benchmark with the FBI and CIA.

Late this week, the high court sentenced 6 police officers to death. The ruling came as joyous bacon light of hope to Kawangware families of taxi drivers who were murdered in the dead of the night. It is indeed a night that will forever remain in their hearts. The evidence presented in court not only served to expose the gross unjust treatment of civilians but also added to the ugly record of police brutality. It was proved that the officers fired 61 live bullets to 6 unarmed civilians. Those are among the hard, brutal facts of the case.

KTN reporter Lulu Hassan covered a feature entitled ‘secrets in solitude’ on Sunday night that exposed the biggest open secret that is hidden behind the high Kenya prison walls. Homosexuality is rife in these correctional facilities.

PUT KENYA ON THE WORLD MAP

If there is a president who will go down in history as one of the most hilarious comics of all time, our very own head of state beats the rest hands down. This is especially manifested while delivering keynote speeches in Kiswahili. Forget the English speech written for him by the salaried team who will not miss the opportunity to whip it with excess cream. The real talk gets on when he’s done reading and starts talking from his heart. I remember sometime back when he was talking about family planning. He said: ‘Siolazimawewekilausiku, kilasikuyapiliyatatuatilazimauproducemtoto. What the hell…………haaapaana…..hiyonikukosaadabu’

As his tenure as the commander-in-chief of the armed forces of the republic comes to an end, Kenyan’s on social media took time to tweet him best wishes and to acknowledge his legacy. Truth be told, the man has upgraded our infrastructure. I’m well aware we are far from putting Kenya on the world map as far as infrastructure is concerned. For instance, Dubai is famous for its audacious engineering projects as well as the neighbouring United Arab Emirates countries like Abu Dhabi which has the most inclined skyscraper on the planet! That leaning tower called ‘Capital Gates’ has rewritten the skyscraper rule book. It defies gravity in all aspects. Abu Dhabi has joined the giant city super league yet it rose from a desert. With the discovery of oil, Kenya ought to undergo a makeover that no East African country can imagine. In Abu Dhabi the Sheikh splashed over $ 200 Billion to transform the metropolitan. Is Nairobi Metropolitan ministry up for this kind of challenge? We would love to see Nairobi become a world class business and tourist destination! I am yet to hear what policies the politicians of the day have crafted in order to put this nation on the world map. It’s all about who is going to be the next occupant of the house on the hill.

SPORTS

Arsenal Football Club was delighted to announce that five of its young internationals have signed new long-term contracts. The quintet of Kieran Gibbs (23), Carl Jenkinson (20), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (19), Aaron Ramsey (21) and Jack Wilshere (20), who are all full internationals, have all committed their long-term futures to Arsenal. I hope the team will invest more and strategize. We need trophies now, more than ever before.

PARTING SHOT

Has anyone else ever locked themselves out of their own systems? Or is it just me? I have just wasted slightly over 60 minutes of my life trying all the possible combination of numbers to unlock my suitcase with no luck at all. This reminds me of another incident where I put some very valuable item in a secure place and I ended up losing the item. It was so secure that I could not remember the location. I guess everyone has had a share of some of those kinds of moments.  You put a password to your own device and forget it. Well, I never forget passwords but I know people who do.

Moral of the story: don’t hide stuff from yourself!

Wishing y’all a merry Christmas and a happy new 2013! Be sure to extend a hand for all those in need.

WEEKLY DOSAGE

When I was away, I took time to register as a voter for the forthcoming general elections. In case you have the slightest shade of doubt, my elector’s number is 011277121125141-9. I couldn’t help but notice the wanting quality of those cards the IEBC team is giving. The card I owned before was more durable, more or less like the quality of an Identity Card. I have only used it once, during the referendum and I believe my vote counted because we passed the new constitution.  I’m waiting for the day the whole country will embrace information technology so that we don’t have to queue to vote. I have a dream that one day the click of a mouse button is all that will be required to cast a vote. Why can’t we vote via email? Talking about emails, why was I asked for my email address by the clerk when registering? I also don’t get why they asked for my phone number since I have been receiving text messages urging me to register as a voter way after I registered. Aren’t they supposed to tell Safaricom to customize my text like “Whart up Lucs, howz u holding up… Thanx for registering with IEBC. Your current M-Pesa balance will be credited shortly. Know wat, tell others peeps to follow suit!” If you are reading this blog and have not yet registered to vote, shame on you. Yes I know you think your vote doesn’t count but remember it is your civic duty to contribute.
I have been spending a considerable amount of my time on TV. Watching too much of it! Suits. How I Met Your Mother. Revenge. Nikita. Some documentaries…and the list goes on and on. When I’m I going to read? I know exactly when. The night before exam. That is one of my most guarded little secrets! Unless karma comes biting and the official ‘mpango wa candle’ sponsors, also known as KPLC decide to switch off the lights.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE
Girls, when you grow up, does anyone want to be Caroline Mutoko? Not the job description part which is extremely inviting, I mean who minds laughing all the way to the bank to cash in some six figures. I’m talking about the Caroline Mutoko who rattled the internet community the other day. It still beats me how ‘idling’ we can all get. A hate Facebook page getting over 10,000 likes less in less than 48 hours?? Legendary! She did diss us no doubt. And when I say ‘us’ I mean the youth. I’m thinking somebody should create a Wikipedia page for her. The popularity, actually the fame she has amassed is incredible. Just so we are clear, I’m not for or against her. The tongue, if not put to check can jeopardize reputations, top-notch jobs, egos and so many other good things. They all come tumbling down. Remember our deputy chief justice? The tongue my friends.

FOOTBALL ANALYSIS
I am so bitter because it’s now common knowledge that my team has continued to disappoint me in every single game. We are still languishing in the 7th place on the league table. What worries me most is the series of losses we have embarked on in the recent past. On Tuesday night, we were beaten on penalties by league 2 side Bradford at Valley Parade. I know majority of you are wondering what team that is. It is in league 2. Mind you they beat us so bad. I believe the lack of spending has now gone too far. The team is decreasing in quality every year since 2009. I do not know what strategy the C.E.O Mr. Ivan Gazidis has in mind. The club needs a lil bit of investment, and when I say investment I mean players. The sponsorship deal with Emirates Airline is not doing us any better.

GOOGLE ‘How to’
Apparently, google.co.ke has just released a report analyzing the most persistent searches by Kenyan’s. The query that garnered the highest traffic and is obviously the trending one is: “How to abort”. The report says that the number one trending search is the “how to” category. If you want to experience how distracting google can get, just search “how to” and read the suggestions that pop up. Out of the top four results, am as sure as it will get dark tonight that 3 will be about things like … oh my!! That is your homework.




Till next week, I'm out!

THE ANALYST

                                                                THE PACKAGE

So people were like: "Are you for real? You blogging now?? About what exactly?? "

The answer is: "Yes I am. About everything and anything I feel like."

Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to appoint myself as a sports analyst. Arsenal is the first team I fell in love with, and believe you me, I'm for keeps. We are soo married, for better for worse. Even when small teams like Swansea thrash 'us' in the last 2 minutes to full-time. I know Arsene Wenger and his technical bench deserve a piece of my mind. I'm also aware that the team lacks zeal and precision nowadays but that's a story for another day. Chelsea, the mighty-yet-small defending champions are out in the group stages!!! Feels nice to lose. How can I forget last night. Manchester United were humiliated or is it humbled in their own backyard. It's karma biatch!!

Secondly, I appoint myself the daring task of an investigative journalist ,a combination of Mohammed Ali of the the intriguing series 'Jicho Pevu' and John Allan Namu of NTV and better still Ross Kemp of Sky1.

Thirdly, I appoint myself as a relationship advice and/or marriage counselor. I however do not intend to take the job of Getrude Mungai at K24. That lady who derives the function f(x) of couples explicitly using first principles. She's better at it because of experience. I'm tempted to say: "been there done that...", but we all know(at least those who know me personally are aware of my marital status!)

Thirdly, I want the job of Mutahi Ngunyi at  the Consulting House. Self appointed political analyst with a Bachelor's in Political Science, with a bias in regional politics. I want to state categorically on this December day of 2012 that I'm totally against tribal politics. Political marriages taking place right now is not only sickening but outright immoral! I'm astonished by the depth of the lyrical sycophancy in Kenya. Just the other day Uhuru and Ruto vowed 'I do' and minutes later Mudavadi joined the bandwagon. No sooner had they sealed the deal than Raila and Kalonzo met behind closed doors and married. Kalonzo has been undecided for the longest time. Confused like a chiq who is too ugly to play hard to get. While signing the deal, the legislator from Ukambani had the gut to say:"Kenya imezaliwa upya leo". like, WTH!!Kwani Kenya itazaliwa mara ngapi? Na the same mother??Dude!! Old political goats know how to bleat for the gallery. That is a manifestation of super greed, manipulation and abuse of our combined intellect. Why do they realign at the last minute? I know why. They all have been in all the previous governments that ruled us! Same monkeys, only different tress(political parties). They never stood for anything in the first place so they fall for anything as well. Politics without principle is what Mahatma Gandhi warned us against. At least Raphael Tuju and Peter Kenneth stand for almost the same issues. That's the only group that is devoid of ethnicity and grand corruption. I’m not a seer. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I know Kenyans will elect wrong leaders and complain thereafter till the next general elections.

Last but not least, I appoint myself as a leading weather forecaster. Today we'll experience sunshine at noon and it's gonna be 'darkish' at around 6.30pm and very dark thereafter. Especially past 10p.m.



Over and out!!

Basics

 LA VIDA LOCA
 
Every young person thinks highly of institutions of higher learning. It's the ultimate destination as far as education is concerned. Well, not every day is as rosy or as tough as another. Every single waking morning is unique in its characteristics as well as challenges.

Problem comes in when yesterday's challenges hang on till the end of the week. A good example will be life in the programming world which is both exciting and frustrating in equal measure.

This is just an introduction to a series of thoughts, opinions and perspectives. Keep it locked!
It's Lucas