MOHAMMED ALI, GWIJI WA KISWAHILI

Every time the investigative journalist Mohammed Ali does an expose, you cannot fail to admire his impeccable command in Swahili. Grab your Kamusi ya Kiswahilifor a trip down memory lane.

 

This takes me back to my primary school days in Tigoni Primary at the heart of the chilly Limuru weather when Mwinyi Kimani Yahya Bin Yusuftaught me ngeli. I remember him teaching sarufi, uakifishaji, and other Swahili concepts. So dedicated was he that we used to write and submit inshas on a weekly basis. Mwinyi Kimani Yahya Bin Yusuf insisted that ‘asiyejuangelihajui Kiswahili’. We would spend numerous lessons on ngeli.

Fast forward to Lenana School.I don’t remember the name of the teacher who taught our class Kiswahili in form one and two but I cannot forget Bi. Nzioka, the head of Idaraya Kiswahili, who taught me us, form three and four. 

She taught me things like nomino,vivumishi,vielezi, viunganishi, vihisishi, vihusishi among others. Ushairiwas a necessary evil. I recall her saying something like: “Hili ni shairi la ukara kwani vina vinalingana katika kila kipande cha ubeti na kutofautiana na vingine vyote katika shairi.” These kinds of explanation would be followed by terms like mishororo, mizani, vina vya ukwapi, mathnawi, tarbia, mtiririko, mazida, inkisari, uhuishiand other funny sounding terms. 

I can also recall mofimu. She explained that mofimu ni kipashio kidogo zaidi na huwasilisha maana maalum ya kisarufi. There were two types of mofimu which she called mofimu tegemezi and mofimu huru. (Do you guys remember those kind of lessons?). There were things like virai na vishazi and we used to do a lot of upambanuzi wa sentensi. Needless to say, Kiswahili was not a cheap subject. You could easily score a strong D if you did not revise frequently. 

Have you ever asked yourself whether it was useful to learn all that? After sitting the last Swahili paper in the national examination, you automatically acquire immunity. You are free to commit all the possible grammar crimes. Most of us murder the language every day in our communication. From politicians to traffic police officers (especially the officers!!! This lot seems to have had zero interaction with the language in their formative years).

Now, think of Mohammed Ali. Who taught him Kiswahili? This guy can publish his own msamiati. There are words he says that Mwinyi Kimani Yahya Bin Yusuf andBi. Nziokadid not mention in any class. And if they did, I missed it!

Let’s start with the titles of some pieces he has done. Ghururi ya Saitoti, Msaragambo wa ardhi, Paruwanja la mihadarati, and the most recent, Zilizala la Westgate. I have never heard of those words in any Swahili class! Never! Where does Moha get them from?

There is also a dramatic flare when he narrates his stories. Picture this: “Ni mimi mwanahabari wenu mpekuzi Mohammed Ali katika makala ya jichopevu. Katika pitapita zetu tulikutana na msichana huyu mdogo kutoka Migori. Kwanza, alianza kutubabaisha na maumbile yake ya kukata na shoka…”Is that an example of jazanda?Probably.

I envy his flawless flow. Consider this: “Ni donda sugu, kizungumkuti, jinamizi.. yote ni misamiati inayozunguka jinamizi la ardhi nchini Kenya. Msaragambo huu wa ardhi ni tanda belua linalodhihirisha wazi kwamba mnyonge msonge, huku wakifanya maovu bila hofu kwani kwao hakimu ni fisi, mbuzi kupata haki ni ndoto. Kitengo chetu cha upekuzi kiliafiki kulivalia njuga hili kwani hapa nchini ni wazi kwamba baniani mbaya kiatu chake dawa”.

Mohammed Ali is the best we have as long as Kiswahili Kituzwe policy is concerned. Can't wait for another Swahili narration!

LESSONS FROM WESTGATE – PART II

A promise is a debt. I promised to present a list of world’s top Special Forces. I hereby present a list of ten of the best elite squads. You are going to learn military msamiati, grab a notepad and refresh the page. Disclaimer: I have not listed the squads in any order.

 

10. Spetsnaz

This is Russia’s Special Purpose Regiments. They endure punishment daily throughout their training because they want only the best, pain-hardened, battle-loving killers.

They spar with the express goal of injuring each other, breaking ribs, fingers, vertebrae, healing only long enough to get back on their feet and complete the training. They are typically deployed for reconnaissance or house-to-house close quarters combat, but are also employed as extremely formidable bodyguards for high-ranking politicians.

9. French Naval Commandos

They consist of 6 units. Each unit is trained for special tasks, whether combat diving, close quarters sea combat, exfiltration, canine units, or long range fire support, including snipers and missile launchers.

8. MARSOC

This is the U. S. Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command. Currently, only men are allowed to join, for obvious reasons. Where are feminists? The primary missions of MARSOC are special reconnaissance, direct action, and internal defense within foreign nations.

They are trained to make fire by friction, fire by mirrors, even fire by ice, depending on the location to which they are deployed. You mold the ice with the heat of your hands into the shape of a lens, which works just like a magnifying glass. Now, that is fascinating.

7. MI-6

The closest thing to James Bond can be found in the personnel of the UK’s Secret Intelligence Service, or Security Service, section 6. It works in close partnership with section 5 (MI-5), the latter which is more of a pure spy agency, dedicated to counter-intelligence and counter-espionage.

MI-6, however, is the unit which deploys its agents all over the world to detect international intelligence threats and “neutralize” them before they become truly dangerous. 

6. U. S. Army Rangers

These are the guys deployed to high risk places like Vietnam and the Amazon jungle. I did not find a lot about them but they are this close to super dangerous.

5. U.S Army Green Berets

That’s their nickname. Technically they are the U. S. Army Special Forces. These guys are experts in infiltrating a hostile area in anticipation of a large-scale military engagement. They have carried serious missions in South Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, among others.
They are best in sniping and throat cutting.

4. The Delta Force

The only official United States counter-terrorism unit, dedicated to hostage rescues, counter-insurgency, and general counter-terrorism. Their full name is 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta, managed by the Army.

If you have watched Nikita, the series, you may have an idea of what it means for psychologists like Amandato conduct a grueling battery of mental exams on the recruit to try to break him/her into confusion. 

3. Shayetet 13

They are 1 of the 3 most elite Israeli special forces units, but Shayetet 13 is the unit most similar to the Delta Force. They specialize in hostage rescue and counter-terrorism, and because they live so close to a host of nations that seem bent on eradicating them, they are at all times ready in an instant to travel abroad and kill.

2. British SAS

The Special Air Service is trained by MI-5 and MI-6 for in-depth counter-espionage. Physical competency must be nothing but excellent. They are trained in knife fighting by experts in Apache Indian knife techniques.

1. Navy SEALs

Raided and killed Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan. You might think there are a lot of them, given the number of action movies dedicated to the plot device of an invincible warrior, but there are only about 2,000 of them. They are the United States’ most elite special warfare combatants. These guys can do at least 42 push-ups in 2 minutes! Navy SEALs have the distinction of being the model on which almost all national commando units are based today, including every other entry on this list.

I believe that one day; our Special Forces will rise from the ashes like the Phoenix and be hailed the worlds’ best, or among the best. That is after my children’s children die.

Dr. PLO Lumumba once said: “The tiger does not boast about its tigritude, but when you see the skeleton of an antelope, you know that some tigritude has taken place.” 

And that is my submission....

THE FATEFUL SATURDAY AFTERNOON AT WESTLANDS – PART 1

First of all, before I start on the topic of the day, I must say that it has been a hectic semester. It has indeed been a beehive of activity for the past three months. The only things I found myself typing were term papers and numerous assignments but thank God it’s now water under the bridge. For now.At least I have three weeks to myself.

 

This is my self-given assignment. I have missed opportunities over the last couple of weeks. The Shebesh story came and went. Actually two stories to the same name. I will spare manziwaNai for now.

But I remember typing away an article on a Monday afternoon (during class time). Did I say how it backfired on me? Well, I forgot to save the document (an unforgivable deed!). I recall vividly checking for typos and suddenly the lights flickered. I lost 800 words because the PC did not have a UPS. Nature was conspiring against me maybe probably because I was doing it at the wrong time. I have moved on though…

This article is dedicated to the Westgate attack. A household name by now. I’m certain that the awful spectacle is still fresh in our minds. Allow me to focus particularly in the manner at which our ‘formidable’ security forces responded to the attack. The multi-agency operation was a total mess in more ways than one.

Before I pick a bone with our security forces, there is this individual who, by the nature of his office, was put in a very awkward and precarious position. I have always held the opinion that there are people who should be listened to and others who should simply introduce their upper lip to their lower lip and teach them how to hug very tightly every time they feel even the slightest urge to speak to the masses. You do not go on live television to contradict yourself in the manner that we saw. The person in question should avoid embarrassing himself in future. 

Concerning the “watery reasons” given to us yesterday, if Eric Kiraithe was the man in-charge of communication, he would have pulled a statement that looks a lot like the one below.

Press conference. All the microphones are jumbled by eager reporters as the spokesman prepares to deliver a speech to the nation. He clears his throat and goes like: “The boys opened thirst and they managed to recover 17 Jamesons, 6 JohnnyWalkers and 4 Jack Daniels which we believe had high concentration of ethanol that could have exploded and consequently bring with them catastrophic damage to the Westlands population. Contrary to media rumors, KDF did not carry paper bags, the paper bags were walking in the same direction as our gallant soldiers. We are also investigating the possibility that the paper bags were magnetic and could have been attracted to military gadgets. We urge the media to exercise caution and restraint when reporting on national security matters. Thank you”. 

I expected a different introduction of the military during the recent mashujaa day celebrations. Someone else on social media read my mind and came up with the following: MheshimiwaRais, wanaopitambeleyakosasaniwanajeshikutokakikosi cha 1^st WESTGATE LOOTING COMMAND wakiongozwa naLOOTenant Colonel LOOTenus wakiwa wamebeba vifurushi vya Nakumatt..Makofi kwao! Vifurushi mnavoona vilikuwa vimetumika kubebea magaidi na vinahifadhiwa katika maabara ya kitaifa

I know for sure not to utter fallacious generalizations as there are many sides of the coin but truth be told. That looting cctv footage will form the basis as to how we perceive KDF. To the few committed and disciplined soldiers, I commend your bravery and selflessness.

I’m not about to narrate the JichoPevu exposé for am aware on how our KDF spoilt the game for the RECCE squad (which is trained for special tasks including hostage rescue missions). What irks the most is how brilliantly the military invaded and tossed the operation from the frying pan into the fire. Congratulations are in order to the KDF commander who directed our gallant soldiers through those tactical operations that saw the country glued to television stations for days without end. It was a good idea to deploy 200 combatants to neutralize 4 guys. But that logic was utmost mockery! I thought the country is at war with itself. What with the grenade propeller and the heavy artillery only used in Somalia? Surely, even if I haven’t been in a class of MIL101: Introduction to hostage rescue missions, I’m sure it is not the work of the defense forces.  Those kinds of assignments are handled by Special Forces. The westgate situation did not warrant such an approach. All they managed to do is engage in friendly fire, a term used to disguise the fact that they were shooting each other instead of keeping their eyes on the ball. The terrorists.

I did some cursory web searches and stumbled on a list populated with special forces from around the world that have the honour of being the most elite and –consequently –badass!

I was told to keep my blog posts short, and I will therefore stop at that. In my next blog post, I will analyze world’s badass special forces in excruciating detail.

Good evening…

THE AIRBUS A380

It’s a mega plane. Bigger and heavier than any other passenger plane in the sky. It has the capacity to carry more people than any commercial jet flyer. Have you ever wondered how it was built?

Location: Toulouse, France

Time: 2007

The plane maker spent billions to bring the idea to life. The idea of a bus in air. Believe it or not, the airbus A380 is 73 metres long, 7 stories tall at the tai and almost 80 metres from wingtip to wingtip! Heavier, longer and taller than a 747 with 2 floor levels of sitting, enough to hold over 550 passengers. You should not be reading this sentence yet until you have visualized the dimensions of the jumbo jet I’m talking about. Pause. Summon your faculty of intellectual abstraction.

Getting that monster of a plane off the drawing board required more than just massive factories across Europe. The airbus required 4 powerful mega sized engines as well as a computerized flight control system, more sophisticated than any other in commercial aviation.

In order to understand where we are coming from, allow me to take you back to 1969. That was the year of technology firsts. Those who enjoy flirting with history know that 1969 saw the arrival of two exotic airliners. Boeing rolled out the 747, the first double decker passenger plane, larger and heavier than any other. Powered by 4 engines, the plane had the capacity to carry more than 400 passengers, more than double the capacity of 707. That same year the concord was born. It traded capacity for speed. It carried only 128 passengers but it could cruise at twice the speed of sound, cutting the trip from New York to London from 8 hours to just under 3.5 hours. Both the 747 and concord came to be the epitome of luxury in air travel.

These two different visions came to symbolize a fierce rivalry between American and European airspace giants. A rivalry that only intensified with time. Even as the business of air travel changed dramatically, the concord is still grounded  after years of financial difficulties and a devastating crash in Paris. The 747 is still a giant, especially considering the sheer number of passengers it can pack between its wings.

What exactly changed to turn air travel from a luxury to the airborne bus ride that it is today? Simple economics. In just a few short decades the number of people travelling by air has tripled. I guess this is where simulation and modeling applies.

Now, simulation and modeling is one of the units I’m taking this semester. It’s a unit that requires a rigorous and excruciating understanding of mathematical concepts. To be honest, I float more than half the time during class only for stuff to make sense waaay later into the semester. The “aha” moments are rare. If you cannot derive the mean and variance of statistical distribution (such as discrete distributions that include bernoulli, binomial, Poisson, geometric distribution, as well as continuous distributions such as uniform, exponential, normal and gamma distributions) without breaking a sweat, you would suffer the same fate as me. A good grasp of the aforementioned provides a basis for determining the performance measures of a queuing system. To determine the number of people travelling by air, they probably used an exponential probability density function. I will not go into the finer details of queuing systems for now until I conceptualize the idea.

Back to aviation. Both Boeing and Airbus saw the writing on the wall in the 1990’s. The two companies took a very different bid on the problem. Boeing believed that one of the biggest increases in air travel would be point to point flights. Consequently, the company put its muscle behind the 787 dreamliner. A highly efficient plane that was designed to carry an average of 250. The A380 though is an altogether different beast in its own right. It is designed for hub to hub travel. A strategy to serve long haul routes in and out of Asia. The airbus’ luxurious features include but are not limited to; a lounge, a high-end shop, two staircases and a waterfall. It’s a breathtaking dream. No one knew if such a plane could be built in the first place. Some argued that such a craft would be far too heavy and expensive to be practical.

One astonishing fact is that the mega guzzler, running at top speed, sucks down a litre of fuel per second. Remember the Airbus is designed for routine flights lasting 13 hours or more. That means when it is fully tanked for takeoff, it carries a lot of fuel. 260,000litres.

When France proved that the plane could fly during the successful and historic test flight, that was the easy part. The company received 154 orders by the time it was testing it. Considering that raw materials are imported from all continents, apart from Antarctic of course, and considering that critical components are manufactured in Wales, Germany, Italy and France; the logistics are quite complicated.  

In order to break even, the plane maker (which invested $12 billion) needed 96 more order, over and above the 154 orders. The company had to convince airlines to part with $ 300M to acquire one superjumbo A380! 24billion KES. No wonder our national carries Kenya Airways did not place an order. Anyway, we don’t even have the capacity to park that giant of a plane. Perhaps after 2030 we will have acquired one.

This post was inspired by the JKIA fire incident.

Serious companies like Emirates ordered 45 jets worth $ 7 billion. Can we compete with UAE?

Ladies and gentlemen, that was your captain speaking…

TELL THEM THAT IS HUMAN NATURE

Who else feels as if this past looong weekend was shorter than a normal weekend? Is it just me? When is the next holiday? October 10^th? Unfortunately the ‘new’ constitutional dispensation(I knew one day I’ll use that big word!) has no provision for Moi day. That means I’ll have to wait till Mashujaa day. Meeeeen!!!! Does it even fall on a Thursday? Why am I even looking forward to a public holiday? I was the kind of person who would ask, on the first day we open school, when our midterm was scheduled. I just like the idea of being free from the daily tight schedules that characterize my days. But, c’est la vie.

On to the business of the day.

I have been trying to find out why people behave the way they do. The reason necessitating this question is my experience especially on joint assignments popularly known as group work. Lately, we have been having loads of assignments that must be submitted timely. The assignments pile up so fast that you do not realize it until you log on the e-learning and you realize that you have 4 pending of which 3 of them are group work. Three different group work assignments mean a lot of things. One, you have to submit 6 documents in total. Each assignment requires a word document and a corresponding PowerPoint presentation document. It also means that you have, more often than not, three different sets of group members. If each group is comprised of an average of 5 people, now you need to work with 15 people. You have to ‘create’ a suitable meeting time for each assignment that will accommodate every member of your group. That is the genesis of trouble!

Allow me to digress a bit. How many files are stacked in some office waiting to be given attention? How many court cases are pending? Holding all other factors constant, I tend to assume that the courtroom is pretty demanding especially for the clerks. I’m thinking this is the kind of job description that a clerk or is it registrar has. And by registrar I mean the office at Milimani Law Courts that deals with paperwork. I am not sure whether that’s the correct term for the guys who work in the courtroom. For instance, if you followed the presidential petition, the guy who was in charge of the stopwatch. The kind that are always scribbling furiously during a hearing. If I have a ‘learned friend’ reading this post, kindly enlighten me at the comments section. I need to know the job title that person because I think it is one of the busiest professions.

This semester is a beehive of activity. I have so much to do. When I have so much work to do, I sometimes just sit there and do nothing. Simply because I can’t figure out what to do first! The trouble with doing nothing is that you cannot tell when you are done doing ‘nothing’. I cannot get myself to watch a movie. I mean, I would feel so guilty. I feel like I’m wasting time as I write this blog post because there’s a term paper waiting for my immediate undivided attention. I’ll just turn up the music and listen to the awesome collaboration by Celine Dion and the Bee Gees as they sing about immortality.

This group work thing is still nagging. I wonder whether the work place is as complicated as group work. I love and hate shared work in equal measure. I love the shared risk. I also love the divided pressure. I love how people react when they are under pressure. I love how some people are never available for the meetings. One case in point goes way back to when I was in Year I, Semester I. So this lecturer gave us a serious topic to research on and present. There was this guy (identity withheld for obvious reasons) who was in our group. He never showed up for any meeting where we deliberated on several issues concerning how to divide the work. Two days to the deadline, I threatened to omit the guy’s name in the final submission. He fumbled vehemently and produced a flash disk which he claimed contained ‘the work’. After launching the explorer window, all I could see in the flash disk were saved internet pages (I expected a word document). To cut the story short, I omitted his name on purpose ‘by accident’ and published the final assignment! He found himself in a precarious position and that is exactly what I wanted. Yeah. I cannot be frivolous with such a critical matter.

Is this what Micheal Jackson had seen in people when he recorded the track ‘human nature’? I don’t think so. MJ was singing about a girl. Talking about girls, I hear that a woman who is interested in a man wants to see that other women are interested in him, too and she will be seething with jealousy. How true is it?

Have a good evening y’all! Keep warm

THE SLEEPING LIONESS

Put on your dancing shoes and get ready to move your body. The sleeping lioness is in the studio. She can’t wait to do a cover version of a song originally done by P!nk. Allow her to sing the lyrics and please if you want in, sing backup vocals. Or sing the guitar riffs. Or better still, play the air drum. Here we go:

“…right from the start

You were a thief

You stole my heart

And I your willing victim….

I let you see the parts of me

That weren’t all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them…”

The song goes on and on till she hits the chorus

“…Just give me a reason

Just a little bit’s enough

Just a second we’re not broken just bend

And we could learn to love again …”

Kiambu County is hurt. She is crying. I believe she is in the studio not just for the sake of it but because she has genuine reasons and legitimate concerns. She has been robbed off her dignity and consequently become a victim of mockery, suspicion and distrustful glances. The concern that tops her list is ‘tainted image’. We need to hire a public relations director to restore the pride of Kiambu County in these times of cruelty against animals. We cannot have every dirty story originating from her. Methinks people are using this name ‘Kiambu’ loosely. Members of the fourth estate are not doing us any good. Some of these stories seem to be fabricated. The less I talk about those stories, the better. Kiambu County is not that bad. We can all learn to love her again. Some parts of her are not all that pretty but we can fix them. We need a combined effort to track down that thief that has degraded our moral fabric and put him behind bars for a very long time so that we can deal with the real issues that affect the County.

The county is facing serious social, economic and governance challenges. We need ideological clarity, intellectual rigor and commitment to transform this county to an economic powerhouse that it ought to be. With the inevitable comparison and contrast between Kiambu and Machakos, a raft of measures should be put in place with regard to policy making. The residents of Kiambu need to see that something is happening. It’s like a sneeze that gives a false alarm that it’s gonna happen but it doesn’t happen only to put a stupid look on your face and then just leave!

I know what ails us. We have so many people in our core institutions who are either incompetent or irredeemably corrupt or both. Traffic police officers have a thing for bribes which undermines the integrity of the whole system. This cancer is so wide spread that people have become accustomed to bribery which makes a bad situation worse. Passenger service vehicles have to part with ‘toll fee’ every time the boys in blue put a check sign on the road. Instead of playing mind games, we should stop fooling each other. Usually, matatu conductors or drivers put a 100 or 200 shillings note in the driving license pack and pass it to the officer who discreetly removes the money while pretending to check the validity of the insurance policy. If anyone has the slightest shade of doubt with regard to rampant corruption on the roads, just take a visit to Kiambu. Along Kiambu road, you will meet traffic police officers. They will wave for your matatu to stop. Observe what happens in the next one minute. All the passengers in the PSV know exactly what is happening yet the officers try to conceal the action. The boys in blue are public servants charged with protecting public safety, a difficult job that merits our deepest appreciation. However, when they allow money to exchange hands, the safety of the public is compromised. We need a Mohammed-Ali kind of investigation on that particular open secret.

There have been numerous complains concerning leadership. Governor William Kabogo cannot be wished away. It is prudent that he takes a consultative approach involving as many ordinary Kiambu residents as possible. What will gauge the success or failure of this regime is mainly the standard of living. If it goes up, the governor will have made a remarkable contribution to growth and development. If it goes down, he will have failed the County at large. We need to see greater access to knowledge, better nutrition, improved security, transparent and equitable distribution of resources and better health services. People need to feel protected from chronic threats such as hunger and abrupt disruptions including joblessness, famine and conflict. We need to partner with other counties because we are heavily interdependent and no society evolves in isolation.

In order to come up with relevant policies, the governor and his team should involve a core team comprising technical officers drawn from all parts of the county, research institutions and consultants and together they should organize workshops with various firms, investors, farmers and both formal and informal business people in all major sectors. The experts should use the input from the aforementioned stakeholders and their own economic analysis in order to wake up the sleeping lioness that is Kiambu County. The necessary social and political reforms should be put in place to ensure that economic goals are realizable and sustainable. As a matter of urgency, we need a policy that will facilitate the process of land administration which will consequently implement the computerization of land registries. Is it very sad that there’s not a single serious project being undertaken that I’m aware of (I stand to be corrected).  Investment in physical infrastructure should be given the highest priority.

Why don’t we start with an anti-corruption programme? Why don’t we show all incompetent municipal council workers the door? Especially those hired on who-you-know basis. Those hired out of nepotism. We need a qualified team that comprises a competitive and adaptive human resource base. Without an efficient, motivated and well-trained public service, we will be treated to fist fights, chair hurling and other embarrassing sideshows that characterize council board meetings.

I am optimistic that the sleeping lioness will wake up and rise to the challenge